“Cougars” are popularly defined as women in their 40s (or older) who date significantly younger men, generally at a 10-year age gap or more. Pop culture paints the cougar as predatory and pathetically desperate, but women have recently begun fighting the stereotype: real cougars, they argue, are confident, successful, single women over the age of 40, who — tired of unromantic and narrow-minded men their own age — date younger, more active and more adventurous men.

Determine the woman’s age.

The generally accepted age group for cougars is 40-plus; however, some people go as low as 35 in their definition. With new creams and procedures available, many men and women are able to look much younger than they are. Some things you can look for, which apply to both sexes:

• Dry, dull and/or thinning hair: both men and women experience a decrease in the quality of their hair as they get older. You might notice that an older woman has brittle-looking hair that lacks the shine and fullness of younger people. Her hair might also be dyed to cover grey hairs.
• Sparse eyebrows and eyelashes: as we age, our hormones drop and hair growth slows, which can make our eyebrows and eyelashes less lush. Some women might opt for pencilled or tattooed eyebrows, and eyelash extensions — so it still might be difficult to judge their age based on these factors alone.
• Thinner lips and eroded tooth enamel: our lips wrinkle and thin with age, and our teeth wear down and erode. You might notice thin lines around an older woman’s mouth, thinner lips (maybe partly hidden with lipliner), and duller or translucent teeth.
• Thin skin: as men and women get older, the smooth skin on their necks gain ridges and wrinkles — unless they use Botox or have a face-lifts, that is. Thin skin will also be apparent on the hands, making veins, knuckles, and tendons more visible.
• Dry and saggy knees and elbows: with age the skin around our knees and elbows begins to dry and sag around the joints. The skin around the elbows in particular can become darker and much drier than the surrounding skin.

Evaluate her makeup.

Evolutionary psychology has shown that when evaluating women’s desirability, physical attractiveness is a more important factor than it is in evaluating men’s desirability. This means that while less attractive men might still be desirable based on their intelligence, humor, income, etc., women are still largely judged on how they look. For this reason, it makes sense that with age, a woman might amp up her makeup routine to try to hide the signs of aging that will make her less desirable.

• You might notice an older woman wearing more foundation and structuring creams and shades to help give her face a smooth, contoured look.
• She might also be more likely to wear lipliner to make her lips look fuller, a brow pencil to fill in her eyebrows, and blush to make her cheeks look more youthful and rosy.
• Contouring is a popular makeup technique right now, used by women in all age groups, from their teens upward.

Don’t think you can judge her by her fashion sense.

The comical cougar stereotype is of a woman wearing clothes that are much too young, and often too tight, for her — usually in tacky fabrics such as animal print. The reality is that women of any age can dress in a tasteless and unflattering manner.

• How a woman dresses — regardless of her age — depends largely upon her own personal sense of style.
• While women of all ages wear push-up bras, older women may find them even more useful as their breasts will sag with age.

Pay attention to her self-confidence.

In general, the older a woman gets, the better she knows herself and what she likes, and the more confident she becomes. Some signs that she is confident:

• Good posture: whether sitting or standing, a person with good self-confidence will likely have a straight back and a head that is well-balanced on the neck, with the chin pointed neither too high nor too low.
• Relaxed: a person with good self-confidence will likely seem relaxed in most situations, perhaps looking around the room with an easy smile, or just seeming generally calm and at peace with herself. She won’t be very fidgety.
• Eye contact: confident people make eye contact and maintain it in social interactions. That said, there’s a difference between maintaining eye contact and staring intimidatingly at someone: looking someone in the eye roughly 60% of the time you are talking to them is a good rule of thumb.

References:

1. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/15/fashion/15women.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0
2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/rediscovering-love/201201/cougars-how-about-sought-after-mature-women
3. http://www.health.com/health/article/0,,20410876,00.html
4. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/03/aging-hair-tips_n_3512567.html
5. https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201101/field-guide-the-cougar
6. http://socialanxietydisorder.about.com/od/socialskills/a/Ten-Ways-To-Have-More-Confident-Body-Language.htm

My Best Friend is dating a cheating Girlfriend, Should I tell him?

My Best Friend is dating a cheating Girlfriend, Should I tell him?

I am in a dilemma, I don’t know what to do since I think I discovered that my Best Friend’s Girlfriend is cheating on him. Should I tell him?

Fred and I have been best of friends for over two decades now. There is practically what we don’t discuss about.

I met Fred when we were kids, we became so close that we used to go for play dates. Though I didn’t know what was happening, I could remember that Fred never jokes with me. He was always and still very much protective of me.

We went through teenagehood and as luck would have it, we never for once quarrelled more than Best friends do.

Fred is the kind of person who values great friendship, and he has always shown me that he cares more than my own siblings. Lool, I hope they won’t be reading this. Yes, that’s how close I am with Fred.

In those years, when our blood was hot, as they say, I had wished that Fred would someday ask me out, but it never materialised, and I was somehow relieved that he never did. Though I would have so much loved to live the rest of my life with Fred.

He is this kind of a Person who when he loves, goes into it with his eyes wide shut. Fred is a Lover and the best I have ever seen. Fred is a compassionate man, he is someone who can go the extra mile for you and still do it with great Joy and a sense of fulfilment.

When I knew that Fred loves me like a Sister was when he first told me about a Girl he had a crush on. Like every other blood-flowing heart pumping girl, I was so happy that my Best friend has finally grown some sense and now ready to take our friendship to the next level. But somehow, I had always told myself it would never happen.

Could Fred be cheating on me?

So I wasn’t disappointed when he narrated the story of Rebecca, the Girl he has always had an eye for. Don’t get me wrong, I almost died of heartbreak, but because Fred is my Best friend and has always told me how much he loved me, but like I sister, I wasn’t so much shocked.

Though he saw through me, and how shocked I was, he reassured me that no one would take my place in his heart. I was happy that I wasn’t going to lose him but also happy that he has finally decided to grow up.

Like “the Sister” I had assumed, I went into that investigative mode, trying to find out who had captured the mind and heart of “my brother”.

Rebecca turned out to be this very beautiful girl with great brains. She not only carries herself with pride, but also matches her attitude with dignity, or so I assumed.

We took to each other the moment Fred introduced her to me. She has this Angelic flair about her, and very intelligent to say the least.

Some years have gone by now, and these two lovebirds have been making me proud. They have stayed together for over 3 years now, and practical man and wife.

Fred and Rebecca had taken their Relationship to the next level and as expected, they have started making some arrangements to get married.

Everything has been going on well for the two, until some months ago, when I noticed some weird behaviours.

Is Fred’s Girlfriend cheating on him?

Rebecca suddenly started withdrawing from Fred, each time Fred calls her on the phone, she would either be busy or so tired to speak with him. She not only stopped coming home early but practically spends less time in the House.

Fred, though very busy due to work, has always found time to make sure that his girlfriend was not bored. He would call periodically during work and even when he travels, they practically stay on the phone and video call for the duration of the travel. But these days, she hardly picks his video calls.

As a good sister, I became so worried, though Fred has not told me about all these, I have always had an eye for my “brother”.

It came as a rude shock to me, when I discovered that Rebecca has been having an affair. What surprised me was not her behaviour, but that she was having an affair with someone old enough to be her Father.

And if anyone had told me that Rebecca would be sleeping with her Fathers best friends, I wouldn’t have even listened, not to talk of believing, until I found out with my own eyes.

That Saturday morning, Rebecca was in her usual element. She had picked a quarrel with Fred, and stormed the house, and headed to her house.

Am I cheating on Fred?

I quickly got into the car and drove behind her. Unknown to her, I was monitoring her all along, and have known the pattern of her behavior and where she always goes.

I followed her till she parked by the street and entered the house of her new found love. I waited until I sneaked into the house and saw what has kept me awake for many days now.

The dilemma I am facing now is how to summon up the courage to tell Fred.

My Fear is that Fred may not believe me, and if she finally convinced him of her love and loyalty, I am afraid I might lose Fred.

Now my question is, What should I do ? Should I tell Fred? Would Fred not think that I am trying to take away the only thing that brings him joy and fulfilment?

It seems My Best Friend is dating a cheating Girlfriend, Should I tell? Please help me out.

I was so sold out on giving my Daughter all she needs to become the best Girl any man would love to be with, that I forgot the basics – Loving herself first and others afterwards.

Yes, I know you would be frowning your face on me insisting that my Daughter love herself first before she can extend that love to others in and around here Circle.

Well, in this life, I have learnt that many people do not love themselves, hence they tend to do anything and everything possible to make People in their Circle to Love them. But if they had looked inwards, they would realise that the First Rule of Relationship is Love yourself First.

Why Should my Daughter love herself First?

You may ask why should I tell my Daughter to love herself first. Yes, I have realised like I’ve told you earlier that when you love yourself, you would feel empty and wholly wanting others to love you, that you become unaware of the beauty you possess inside and yearn for people’s Love or approval.

Looking for People’s approval is not a bad thing, after all, every Relationship must have some element of Love and Approval for it to stand the test of time. But you can’t give what you don’t have, hence you fight to get it or do extra work to have it.

Let me not confuse you here. Being once confused about falling in love and being loved, I yearned for the attention of Jason. He is a good looking hunk, with muscles reaching out of his well-curved chest like roots of a well-grounded Oak tree.

Jason has these blue eyes that sparkled like when the sun smiles at the Caribbean beaches. Let me not even start with his smiles, they are so secretly astonishing.

The moment he draws the smile off his well-guarded mouth, your heart will melt, because his smiles are magical, showing off a well-polished set of teeth.

I was in love first before my Daughter

I do not need to tell you that Jason swept me off my feet the very first time we met, and till this day, I still dream of the first moments we had some mad passionate kiss. It was bliss and I was lost in his cares.

I must say I am the luckiest woman on Earth, as meeting Jason has made me realise that Loving myself first, I would love someone so passionately like that.

Now to make you feel more relaxed when you love yourself, you would be in a position to let go of your ego, your pride and your innermost hindrances and then be open to love someone else almost like you love yourself.

You would have overcome almost all hindrances that come with self-love. The likes of Jealousy, hatred, selfishness, you name it.

I was able to overcome my jealousy of having Jason talk with any other girl apart from me. You know it’s not easy to be seen in the company of the most talked about guy in the whole University ground. It turns out that as you seek for his attention, so are over a thousand other girls. So if he has chosen you and has been a great guy and being by your side all the time, then you know that you have nothing to fear.

Well, that’s the story of Jason and me, and how I overcame the fear of loving myself. I have always wanted to teach my daughter about it, and have tried all my best to keep her in check. But these few days, I have not been able to understand her jealousy and rage anytime Ryan come around.

Am I in love with my Daughter’s Boyfriend?

It looks like she is having the feeling that I like Ryan more than I like her, or that I am falling for her boyfriend. And before you start having some thoughts in your mind, let me make it clear that, despite the fact that I love good-looking men, I only like Wyan as my Daughter’s boyfriend and I love having him around too.

Is there anything wrong in wanting your Daughter’s boyfriend around the house? I am so confused now and would love you to tell me what to do.

I am not admitting that I am having any feelings for Ryan, as you may have been thinking… but with the way my daughter is acting, I don’t know what I’m capable of doing anymore.

Does this make me a bad mother? Please let me know.

And stop thinking about Jason, we lost him when Janet was 15, and I have been single all the years, making sure that all my Children have all the Love and care they deserve.

So please, can you in all sincerity, let me know what wrong I have done so far.